Yes, I do have a problem.

11^th July 2006 was when Mumbai experienced first bite of terrorism after 1993 riots, popularly called as 7/11. Series of bomb blasts in busy railway stations at peak hours. I was living in Mumbai those days. Memories of this incident are fresh, saddening and frustrating.  It all started with one of my colleagues mention bomb blast at a neighboring suburb station, a few minutes later, another one got up and yelled out saying “there were 4 bomb blasts in the city…” everyone got off their workstations and rushed towards the T.V room. Within 5 minutes of watching news we discovered there were series of 6 blasts that took place in busiest railway stations during peak hours. It takes no genius to understand that local trains & railway stations are Mumbai’s life lines; with absolutely zero security it was certainly soft and easy target!

As soon as I saw T.V I tried calling my parents (who lived in another city) to let them know I was fine and  very soon we realized that all the phone lines and cell phone networks were jammed, to prevent panic (as they said).  Most of stayed in office till late evening cause roads were blocked & all trains were put on hold. Many managed reaching home someway or other and a few others choose to stay back. That entire evening all my friends, family & people I remotely knew called to check if I was safe (this was after phone lines started functioning). What happened next morning amazed me to my disgust. City was back in track, the trains were working, people went on with their robotic routine with very little or no grief at all. And this, as they call it, was the “Spirit of Mumbai….” Every time I heard that, I sarcastically agreed and said “… yea right!!”

Is this how spirit of a city suppose to be? Cold? string of bomb blasts occur though out the city and its citizens shrug it off ‘as a matter of fact.’ Politicians blame on ruling government for poor security measures, government blames it on intelligence agencies for not seeing coming and so on…Finally, what was discovered was that this was series of blasts carried by group of suicide bombers, mostly Muslims.

What followed this event was some action worth some appreciation. All railway stations had 24 hrs security guards at all entry & exit points. Any commuter traveling with box or any kind a luggage was checked & his/ her identity was recorded. Well this was a big deal considering the traffic in Mumbai railway stations. Secondly, many private firms came out with their campaigns requesting a common man be alert note any suspicious activity and (or) suspicious person. This campaign was seen across all railway stations and in all trains. And, finally every business center, shopping mall and public place had security guards scanning every bag and everyone who entered. Though standard of security was questionable, however, I was pleased to see an outcome like this.

Now coming back to the point where I said ‘yea right’ to the spirit of Mumbai.’ If I have to make an unbiased judgment about this spirit, I would co-relate it to more of get- going or the move- on ability and not to what I called “revolt” or “cooperate to operate against terrorism” kinds.

That Politian-tuned- moral police- turned- whatever who had problems with night pubs open after 1:30 AM, had problems with U.P & Bihar citizens settled in Mumbai, who never missed chance of accusing  Big B star for every reason available & who also started the Mee Mumbaikar campaign (which meant I proud to be Mumbaiite); was missing from the scene. His party did not come forward to help those who got injured or died. Did not help his sources to team up with investigation teams and take measures to prevent such instances in future…

Beside, the common man, an average citizen who lives and breeds in the city did not look beyond their house. Their everyday routine and need of survival made them extremely immune to world outside their own.

This history took absolutely no time in repeating. Mumbai was under terrorist target yet again on 26^th November 2008, at a much bigger level. This time it was Taj Mahal Hotel, an historical property which symbolized India’s rich architectural past & assertiveness to be treated as an equal; Leopold café, Oberoi hotel, CST station, Nariman house & one of the hospitals. These places had few things in common. Prominent expat population, celebrated tourist attractions & also spots for local commuters and very little or no security. No prices for guessing that these were the “perfect” targets. Entire event was well planned execution of master minds who clearly intended to drive attention towards their strengths/ capabilities & resources, remorselessness towards innocent lives, spread violence in name of religion etc…

It’s amazing how training, logistics, resources & timing of such a disaster was beautifully crafted. Absolutely flawless, straight to the point & on to the target. How could someone from outside have information of some city/ hotel/ roads to this absoluteness?  This clearly would not have been possible without a local persons’ help.

It’s astonishing that the attackers EXACTLY knew when, where, how and what to attack.

Broadly, the outcomes of both the events do match. They did manage to kill a lot of innocent people, both local & international; entire world now constantly lives in fear and insecurity of terrorism & its surprises; petrified expats and tourists across the world are reconsidering (or simply avoiding) their travel plans to India; contributed to sinking economy by slowing down its growth and risk of trading.  And yes, this is was the last straw of instilling anger and tension between 2 countries.

I strongly feel that if meticulous measures were taken post 7/11, this could have been avoided (prevention is better than cure remember?!?!?).  Apparently US intelligence had warned Indian Navy about possible trouble from the sea front, which was clearly ignored.  Yes, India does have a huge coastal line that include close to 10 states. But if this message was passed to all the navy chiefs’ and followed by relevant actions, things could have been different. Yet again there are “if” and “but” factors attached. Beside, its not just the outsiders, we also have a task of searching & destroying the devil(s) amongst us. This is not just army, military and (or) navy’s responsibility, it also includes an average citizen. Saying that, I still have nothing against fellow Muslims, neither should the innocent ones be harmed only because they share the same religion with the attackers.

I saw this event on T.V while I was out holidaying. But this kept me disturbed and cranky for hours. I am perhaps one of those in millions who’ve lived in Mumbai, loved it & though not live there anymore, do have strings attached.

To Love, To Marry & to oblige…

What does being in love mean to you?

It’s always hard to summarize, but let me give it a shot- expressing my affection against all the odds, it’s about being inspired, it’s about wanting to live longer & to spend time with that special someone, it’s about finding someone you can count on in good times & bad,to make someone laugh when they feel like crying, hold them when their spirit is falling apart…..(and lot more)

Having said all that, I always wondered how important it becomes when that special someone tells us something about ourselves and the degree of impact it has can almost shake any amount of belief we have in ourselves.

A few of my close pals got married a little before I did. Being to- be bride, I was curious to know everything about marriage. But my most sought out question(s) was to know what it felt to be married & how does life look after marriage. Following are the replies that I could not forget, could believe & choose not to believe!

“Everything changes after marriage. The attitude towards each other, definition of love, direction that you are heading towards in life etc… everything will have a complete new meaning. “

“To continue having the same zing in the relationship that you had before marriage, don’t forget the very first reason why you fell in love with each other for.”

“Accepting differences is the part of loving person; but often, these differences are the main reason why people fall apart.”

In recent past, there were a few instances when my better half & I ended up discussing some of my traits which got me an understanding of his perception (with hint of disappointment) about me.

Trust, confidence, responsibility & situation control; these were a few topics that we broadly discussed. What surprised me were not the traits, but difference that he noticed in me before and after marriage. Apparently they all existed & and are now perished.

Does one really change after marriage? Well I do understand priorities change but what about personality of the individual? Or should we blame it on wrong judgment?

I am still pondering over these things as I have begun to discover the journey of marriage.

But none the less, I believe that trust & respect are two things which cannot be inherited or bought, but are earned.

Like I said; being in love to me meant giving in unconditionally, I would not stop working towards earning what I think I deserve. But am I willing trade my self-respect for that? Aaaaaaaa………

Red, White & shades of grey….

This blog was long due…I thought of this long before I actually sat down to write it. And even after a few weeks of writing it, I took a lot to edit, re-write, rewind, compile & spell check! To be honest, I started work on this even before I got married, while I was getting married & …er… even after our honeymoon. Well, I must say that a few these lines were written while I was going through those motions. Hence it’s all genuine & completely subjective . But anyways, this is a chronicle of a girl-turned-bride-turned-wife.

A prologue of how all of this started: Yash & I met few years ago at a formal dinner. Later, a famous networking site got us together & hence started a never ending relationship. As soon we met was after knowing each other virtually for a few months (I could call this our e-dating phase) and then we got engaged. The marriage proposal was as fairy tail-ish as it could get. Moon lit night, beach, my boyfriend on one knee & a box full of blings. Needless to say, it was YES. But there is a whole new dimension about being engaged to someone other than just being a part of his life.

Stepping into the new family meant embracing the family which was soon to be mine. It was not just about spending time and interacting with them on day-to-day bases; it was a lot to do with adapting their culture, lifestyle & values. Though we came from similar ethnic backgrounds, there were prominent differences in our ways of living. Yes, I had seen millions of girls doing this, my aunts, sisters, friends etc… who married to men of similar/ different backgrounds but its best understood when you are in the same boat. It never seemed this complicated. When I say complicated I mean, interdependent and interwoven. The concept of repel-effect was never this clear to me. One small act leaded chain of events. I know it all sounds very “complicated,” but those who have sailed in the same boat can read in between the lines…

Wedding blues: Courtship period is the most crucial time cause it contributes a lot in making or breaking the marriage. Yes, even before the wedding. This is the time when two people re-discover themselves & discover each other. Families have time to bond with each other & exchange love and respect. And yes, this is also the time so sensitive that a small spark can produce wildfire. Humble hearts and critics are sides of the same coin. Suddenly you (the bride or/and the groom) is the most sought out person in the crowd. Some coin you as the lucky one & many wish you best of luck and shower you with tons of advises unasked for. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t skeptical about this step. I also had what I famously call my “anxiety attacks.”

There were days, specially the PMS ones, which were most difficult to get through without getting mad at each other. There was this fear of unknown slowly creeping in, traces of uncertainty of the outcomes & a lot of things that would make you wonder if that’s what (or who) you wanted. It’s amazing what faith or belief in something (and/ or someone) can get you through all the hurdles. In fact this was the time I wrote my blog “Imbalanced“

The Big day: My wedding, the most awaited moment of my life, and the others’ associated with it, was here. Happiness, excitement, madness & too many people. It’s an unwritten rule that everyone enjoys your wedding more than you do… and I couldn’t believe it any lesser. We had an endless list of “promising” ceremonies throughout the day. By “promising” I  mean the patience it took to complete ceremonies enlisted & each of those also meant to pledge that Yash and I were committing to loving, sharing & caring our lives, respect & wealth to each other forever. Yash and I would stand by each other in goodness & bad etc… To us, these promises also extended on to provide each other with honesty, trust & support unconditionally; to mean being a better half to someone when you say you are; to begin our lives in our world & at our terms. It was the celebration of OUR new beginning.

Many of my single friends, who wish to have commitment & not marriage asked why can’t these promises be made without a formal ceremony? At that time it was more about social acceptance, seeking blessings from all our elders, fulfilling my parents’ ambition marrying their child as per the cultural norms etc… (& a little bit to do with my dream trousseau).

In my recent interactions I have answered them with a complete refreshed opinion. I’ve understood that the magnitude of promise & depth of commitment in marriage is way broader & deeper than living-in and the like, and it also leaves very little living room for one to cross the lines.

We had a holy ceremony around fire, which is considered as powerful & sacred elements of earth. My wedding trousseau was a white saree with red border. Colour white symbolizes peace & harmony. In a bridal dress it symbolizes a woman’s willingness to embrace her new family, their values & culture. Color red symbolized passion, romance & eternity; beautiful & meaningful isn’t it?

All’s well that ends well: My wedding day was the longest day ever, yet the most beautiful & an unforgettable one. This was followed by lovely honey moon in Swiss Alps & an entry into our abode.

These are a few lines from my wedding invitation that would briefly describe my journey as a girl to a lady & then as a to-be wife.

“Every since my childhood, I have spent time with

And it’s not about searching the right partner it all about being one….”

my family, living, loving & laughing in our own sweet cocoon.

My dolls, drawings, school trophies and wall scribbles still remain.

The stories of my growing years are numerous,

and is indispensable part of my ocean of memories.

Now starts a new phase of my life- My marriage.

I have come to understand that wedding is a ceremony &

marriage is a journey, which I am all set to take with Yash.

With him I have realized that marriage is not something that happens- it is created.

It’s never being too old to hold hands.

It is just about saying “I Love You” at least once a day…”