I hate the way my hair looks.
Too many grays & an irregular cut
Partition is so weird that it refuses to look good
It’s neither straight nor wavy
I do not have a pretty face anymore.
Pimples, acne marks, blackheads, dark circles
The list is endless.
Feels like I slipped in life’s older phase.
I guess have the most disfigured body.
Narrow shoulders, broad waistline
A proper fitted jeans or good looking t-shirt
is always a challenge.
No amount of gyming helps.
I’m blessed with monster feet.
9 out of 10 footwear that I liked,
are unavailable in my size.
I live in huge family
Genes are all duplicated yet minds are so different.
Our differences often outrun the bonding.
I have few but real cute friends,
They are everywhere but around.
Far away from reach
Talking about reach,
My better half sits on the other side of the planet.
Is that reason why a part of me is always sour?
Once a Narcissist, now a lost a soul.
Fail to understand where the spirit of life disappeared
My solitude makes everything look pale.
I look for happiness & seek warmth
Pain and heart-aches are underneath.
The tears run down my face
Pain fades away
But scar remain all the way.
Feel so claustrophobic in open space,
Lonely in crowd
Can’t feel my wings anymore
The ego that I guarded with life
is now stabbed and rotten.
The love I had for my self
is now a big question.
Looking ahead makes me nervous.
Looking back only makes doubt my choices
About the moment-
believe me When I say “What-the-fuck-is-going-on?!?”
What would help?
Psyched-rehabs, narcotics that will pump my cells
A “how-to-love-your-self-book”
A “PhD-Psychiatrist” or should I just soak my self in spirits.
I hope all this is just lack of sugar rush
May be it’s because of estrogen imbalance
It could be a Pre Mensurational Syndrome
Or just a pure Pre Marital Syndrome
Breathing in….
